Everyone has been criticised by their mother, some more than others, and at times it can be painful to be judged by the person who is meant to love you unconditionally. I was inspired to write about this, after seeing Lu's post "This must be what Prozac feels like" and the monumental responses.
I've been criticised by my mom on many occasions. She is very outspoken, to the point of being too blunt. I've always been fat, even when I was skinny I was bigger than the average kid. My mom often pokes fun at my size, and although I'm older sometimes it still hurts. It hurts because I feel like I'm not the daughter she could be proud of, sometimes I feel like I let her down because of my size. When I was younger I took it to heart very seriously, I felt like an embrassment to her, and for the longest time I believed that because she did make fun of me. I got teased enough at school, I didn't expect my mom to be one of the "mean kids" at home. But she would always tell me she was joking and how much she loved me, and how beautiful I was. I was conflicted at a early age, I don't think she was aware of the damage she was causing. Now when she points out that I'm "fat" or a "sumo wrestler" etc I shrug it off (depending on my mood). Me and my mom are close, we have our ups & downs, and I know that she loves me, but sometimes I wish she knew that her words are like a slap in the face at times. I wonder does she even see past my size, I am more that just "fat".
While most people would love to have the acceptance of their mother (which I do, I think?), I realise that my self - acceptance is more important than anyone else's. Blogging has helped me in more ways than one, many of the things I've encountered, you all have too, and while I find it sad that so many of us have been ridiculed by our mother's; I'm glad to know you can relate (I'm always finding a silver lining lol).
I'm so glad I started blogging, you all are so genuine and while I haven't met you yet, I feel so connected with you all. You have turned into my support system, you cheer me up when I'm down, and continue to inspire me. Each and every single one of you is beautiful, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm truly blessed, I've found a community that supports me & allows me to express myself freely. Hopefully one day all of us will be able to meet in person, I think that would be alot of fun. :)